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Kane and Lynch: Dead Men=DOA December 24, 2007

Kane and Lynch: Dead Men is probably one of the worst games I’ve ever played in my life. I was really enjoying it at first. I got used to the controls and accuracy of the guns. Then, it started to go downhill when I realized that it is damn hard to kill people in this game. It takes you forever to kill the enemies but they can kill you within a matter of seconds. Where’s the equality in that? I was really enjoying it until I got to chapter 12, the part where you were on the roof was a nightmare. It takes you three shots from a bazooka to take down a chopper or blow up tanks. Two or three you ask? Well, last time I checked, on Call of Duty 3, a game which I hate as well, it takes you one shot to from a bazooka to completely destroy a tank. I stopped playing after chapter 12.

Now to the multiplayer. The multiplayer on this game is one of the worst I’ve experienced this year. The goal of the game is to grab as much loot, cash, jewelry, etc as possible and escape with it. Guess what, consider everybody you’re playing with a traitor or team killer. There isn’t even an option to switch off the ability to kill your teammates. Someone is bound to gun you down for your cash and escape with it. Don’t worry, when you die, you spawn as a cop and you can exact revenge on the person who killed you and get an Achievement for it. Whenever I become a cop, I kill myself ASAP. If I am betrayed, I leave the game. When you are betrayed, I don’t necessarily call that person a traitor, I flat out call him a team killer. That’s right, to me, this game condones team killing.

Another thing about the multiplayer, the cops here can kill you within a matter of seconds but it takes you forever to kill them. As soon as you’re out of cover and trying to kill these guys, you only have a few seconds to get behind cover or else you’re a dead man.

When you get money from the multiplayer it accumulates, depending if you’ve escaped with the cash or loot alive. But, getting advanced weapons is going to be extremely difficult with all the people on your team cause any of them could be a traitor. If you leave the game and expect the cash you’ve accumulated to still be there when you get back, think again, it will ALL be gone. Let me make this easier for you to understand to clear up any confusion. If you get $80,000 and you leave Xbox LIVE, and come back and hour later when you log back into LIVE, get into a game and want to earn the remainder $10,000 to get an upgrade, tough shit, your money is gone. So, have fun making an additional $90,000 all over again.

I can not tell you how many times I was killed by the host so he could get our cash and run off with it. I was killed countless times.

By the way, before I forget, I was fighting the chopper on Chapter 12. The chopper was blowing everything up into little bits. Here’s the catch, I couldn’t walk over or pass by the chunks of concrete that lie scattered everywhere. These chunks of concrete are no bigger than an ankle high. This showed me how truly broken this game is. I can climb over walls but I can’t pass by small chunks of concrete?

Onto my conclusion. The controls are broken, the accuracy for the guns takes time getting used to but by chapter 11, you’ll see how sloppy of a job they were doing for the accuracy on the assault rifles and mounted machine guns. The story is okay. The graphics are horrible. Nothing looks realistic. They spent so much time on making the graphics on the characters realistic but they hardly spent the time making your surrounding realistic. So, my overall score for this game from 1 to 10. I would definitely give it a 3.

This game is not worth renting or buying. I am so glad I rented this game and didn’t purchase it. Jeff Gertsmann was right all along. Eidos lied, Gamespot, lied, everybody who wanted this game to make $ lied. Thanks a lot for reading.

Yours, SatansLittleGamer